It looks like a picnic.
There is a field that I have
seen before. It isn’t like a meadow, it is a lacrosse field. The last time I
saw it, it was thunder and lightning, this time- I am in heaven.
I find out that I am in heaven through the people there, the
people who have died. I see Corey and I see another man, who at this time as I
am writing this, I have learned to be my brother Joseph.
This heaven is so strange. There are people everywhere, and
everyone is happy. But, we are in a park. Why are we in a park and not in
clouds? Why is there no music like the people who have seen heaven
have talked about? I am just in a park, watching kids play and smelling grass
and I see a concrete basketball court and that lacrosse field way in the
distance.
This can’t be MY heaven because I was definitely not THAT in love
with lacrosse, right?
I see a staircase going down, but it doesn’t lead to
anything. Not air, not darkness, just nothing. I see my mom sitting on it. Is
she dead?
I go next to her, I can hear Corey's laugh and see him
playing around with the man (Joseph). They are playing basketball. Did Corey
like basketball? That laugh is ringing in my head. My brother must have been
funny.
I am right now having a few different thoughts: 1. Why have
I not run up to Corey and hugged him and held on so tight he would think I was
crazy (right?) 2. Why have I not gone right up to Joseph and introduced myself?
3. Why is my mom here?
I went to the staircase and sat next to her. I asked what
she was doing. She told me she was in heaven now. I panicked. NO. Not her. Why
was she so calm? What the hell was going on? I looked at her and asked how long
she has been here and why she was sitting on the staircase. She told me she had
just arrived. This made me question why she was not with Joseph, I looked at
her for a second- but she knew what I was going to ask. “We come to the stairs
and say a rosary for the ones we left behind before we are able to enjoy this
heaven.” She said. If you would like to pray with me you can, otherwise please
be quiet for a moment.
I started hysterically crying. She couldn’t die, she couldn’t.
And she was praying for me right? Wasn’t she praying for me?
Corey’s laugh again- In my head. I can’t type it because it
is not his huge laugh it’s his laugh that he has in the middle of telling a
story. The one that he uses as the periods to his sentences. Damn, he is
probably telling Joseph all the crazy things him and Brian did (not that he
needed to).
My mom finishes her rosary and walks away into the park. I
see my dad in the distance, she is walking to him. WHAT THE HELL. Is everyone
dead? What is going on? I start to see some of my friends in the distance, I
start to recognize every single person in this park. I start to realize that I am dead too.
I cannot move from the stairs, I realize now this is because
I have not said my rosary. I am so mad at God that I do not want to say my
rosary. Is He kidding me?
I noticed the smells of this park. I had never had a sense
of smell but it smelled so wonderful. Fresh and light. I loved the smell. I
closed my eyes.
I turned my body and looked at all of the people I loved in
this park. They were so happy. They were enjoying each other company and though
I had pain and hurt and sadness, they seemed to be unaware of those things.
They were just happy. They didn’t even think- you could tell. They just
enjoyed.
This is when I realized I was not in heaven, at least not yet.
This is when I realized what people meant when they said
that in Heaven, there is no time. These people in the park were not waiting for
their loved ones to die, because they already died in their minds. Do you see
what I am saying?
There is no time in Heaven, therefore, when you are there,
the people that have not died yet have already died. They are just not in the
park yet.
I decided this is what baptism is. I decided this is why my
parents are not afraid to die. I decided I needed to say my rosary for me, so
that I could bask in the happiness of Heaven.
I woke up from that dream with one question,
Where was God?
